


Snow Yourself

by RoyalMoonBunny



Series: Christmas Tri(nity) [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Christmas Angst, Christmas Fluff, Frozen 2 (2019) Spoilers, Identity Issues, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon, Post-Frozen 2 (2019), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Riku has a love rival, Riku is a good friend, Secret Crush, Self-Indulgent, Sora Loves Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Sora Swears (Kingdom Hearts), excessive description of clothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22000831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalMoonBunny/pseuds/RoyalMoonBunny
Summary: Things have finally calmed down enough for Sora to bring Riku to Arendelle for a couple days of fun and relaxation. Sora needs it, given his keyblade has taken to appearing whenever he gets upset or sad. But of course, they get seperated. Of course, Sora has to quest for an answer to the keyblade's strange behavior. And of course, Riku has a rival for Sora's fragile, frozen heart.TL;DR Sora's falling apart and pretending he isn't. Riku isn't fooled.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Christmas Tri(nity) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1583710
Comments: 16
Kudos: 190





	1. Oh the weather outside is frightful

**Author's Note:**

> Fun story - This was a 9k total project that became a monster. This is part one of three holiday fics all under the same overarching plot. Enjoy!
> 
> If you're interested in listening to what I did as I wrote this, a link to the soundcloud playlist is on my profile. Happy reading!

As soon as his sneakers touched the immaculate snow around the parked gummiship, Sora regretted not having prepared better. A chill breeze, exactly how he remembered it, pummeled through his chest and arms. He whined and winced as Riku stepped out behind him.

“Ugh,” his friend commented. “Really Sora? Of all the places to go, why pick this one?”

Because the snow reminds me of your hair, Sora wanted to reply. He hummed in frustration and started making his way to a semi-visible Arendelle. “Cause it’s almost Christmas, and the snow is pretty,” he gritted out, teeth chattering. He heard Riku sigh and quicken his pace to trudge beside him.

“You could have told me to bring a jacket,” Riku admonished. “Or, you know, have brought your own?”

Sora glared playfully at his taller friend, squinting when snowflakes got into his eyes. “I’ve saved the universe like eight times. You don’t get to point out my shortcomings.”

“Shortcomings,” Riku deadpanned, rubbing his hands up and down his shoulders. “Big word for a shortie.”

“Big confidence for a dead man,” Sora yelled, scooping up a pile of snow and shoving it blindly at Riku. He heard a startled noise and sprinted off as it morphed into a war cry. The ground was so thick that his shoes sank more than he wanted, resulting in a desperate trudge as he heard Riku huffing behind him.  
A snowball shot past his head, dangerously close to his right ear. Riku cursed under his breath, and Sora was sure that if he’d turned around at that moment, he would have seen Riku making another snowball while following him down the hill.

“C’mon Riku,” he goaded his best friend. “You can do better than that, can’t you?”

The goosebumps on his arms and exposed calves felt like hardened, numbed specks as he tried in vain to warm them. At least they weren’t in the middle of a blizzard, like the last time Sora was here with Donald and Goofy. His heart erratically skipped a beat at the memory, jumping from the fondness he’d felt for Elsa and Anna to the Keyblade Graveyard almost immediately. The way Anna had held her hand up to Hans’s blade was too close to the image of Riku’s back to him, Braveheart poised hopelessly against the swarm of heartless that’d taken all of their friends.

That took Riku too.

A pair of arms circled around his waist and lifted him clear out of the snow. Sora yelped in alarm, keyblade automatically summoned but hovering next to his hand. Riku laughed, sending vibrations from his chest to Sora’s back. It’d been so long since he’d heard that sound. Thank god, after everything Riku’d been through, he was okay. They were okay.

“Sora, your keyblade,” Riku said into his ear. Sora shivered from what was absolutely the cold and not Riku’s now-deeper, cooler voice before looking at the kingdom key next to them. It was strange, how it kept summoning itself. Ever since Sora had returned to the waking world, the keyblade had taken to appearing whenever he was the slightest bit sad or aggravated. It started the night he’d gotten back to Destiny Islands. Everyone was there, waiting for him with hugs and tears and kisses (not from Riku, but Xion of all people - not that he wanted any from Riku). After they’d curaga’d him into a frowny, impatient mess and he’d convinced the King that No, he did not want to go see Yen Sid to make sure everything was okay, they’d all sat around the bonfire in companionable silence.

Then the questions came. And the thing about dying and coming back was that you didn’t really want to talk about it, at least not for a good, long while. He understood his friends’ worry and curiosity, especially Donald and Roxas’s - being the hotheads they are. But understanding that didn’t make the third degree any easier. He’d hesitated at the very first question.

“How, Sora?” Riku started, breaking the tense yet companionable silence around the circle. He heard it the same way he did when Riku had called to his heart in the Realm of Darkness. Riku’s voice did not have the same awe that it did when he’d landed next to him, keyblade at the ready. No, across the fire Sora saw uncertain relief in his friend’s cerulean eyes. The same look he’d given him when they’d finally reunited back in The World that Never Was. Like it was too good to be true.  
And Sora just didn’t know how to answer the question without bringing his friends down. So, he forced a smile, tucked his hands behind his head, and smiled as if that was an adequate response. It was for Riku, but not for Kairi, Roxas, or Donald. Donald had screeched that terrible noise that Sora hated and demanded he tell them all exactly what happened. Roxas had agreed, citing his previous place in Sora’s heart as a reason not to keep secrets. And Kairi was beside herself.

“I want to know Sora,” she’d pleaded next to him. “I need to know what happened because of me.”

It had been too much for him. He’d returned for exactly one hour and was already being pulled into different directions. Part of him wanted so badly to tell Kairi that it wasn’t her fault because of course she’d think that, being selfless as she was. But Sora couldn’t take care of someone else in that moment. He couldn’t think -

And amid Donald arguing with Axel over calming down and letting Sora be for a sec, the kingdom key appeared in front of him. He’d had his head in his hands and briefly glanced up at the gasps he’d heard. It was just...there. Glowing and ready to be used. A surprised hush had fallen over the group that he’d been infinitely grateful for.

“Sora?” the King softy prompted. “Could I speak to you for a second?”

“What’s wrong?” Riku asked, bringing him back to Arendelle and its stinging cold. Sora breathed in and out, the burn in his throat grounding him to this moment, with the one he trusted most literally at his back.

“Sorry,” Sora mumbled, tilting his head back just enough to meet Riku’s gaze. He really was short, he realized as the back of his head rested on Riku’s collarbone. “Just some memories.”

Riku smiled a little sadly at him. “In the middle of our snowball fight? How come?”

The keyblade glittered for a second next to them, a warning that it was going to disappear, before disintegrating into the falling snow. Sora hesitated, leaning back into Riku’s arms. “I don’t know. Just thinking a lot about what happened in the final battle...and after. That’s all.”

Riku hummed, wrapping his arms tighter and resting his chin on Sora’s windswept spikes. “We’re gonna have to talk about all that one day, you know.”

Sora swallowed down the spike of anxiety that the statement prompted inside him. Shoving down that tingly sensation that happened right before the keyblade wanted appear without permission, Sora playfully elbowed Riku and smirked at the undignified “oof” his composed friend uttered. “Today is not that day!”

They ran all the way to Arendelle’s castle, dripping wet with snow flurries and laughing at each other's hair. It took them ten whole minutes to get through the town, Riku taking his dear sweet time window shopping and circling the ornate statues. Sora didn’t mind. He hadn’t been around during Arendelle’s Christmas. The town felt so different. It was more vibrant and colorful despite the influx of snow. All the stores had festive wreaths with pine branches and red berries he didn’t know the name of. Street vendors were selling wooden toys, plush jackets, and ingredients. He made a mental note to stop by that some of them for Little Chef. Children ran through the streets with too-large snow boots, happily screaming at one another. An elderly couple left the store Riku was perusing, pulling one another close and smiling that same way he’d seen the princes and princesses do. The orange-yellow glow of the street lanterns now held up beautiful sparkling lights. He smiled and watched the purple, green, red, and pink reflect off the towering castle’s windows.

The castle itself was even more beautiful than before, decorated in simple, elegant white lights. Sora sighed dreamily. Christmas had always been his favorite holiday.

“Feeling better?” Riku asked him, coming to look up at the castle too.

“Much,” Sora answered honestly, turning his gaze to his best friend and trying not to stare. The silver of Riku’s hair caught the rainbow streetlights while the castle’s reflected in his eyes. Sora bit his lip and averted his gaze before Riku caught him. Was it normal to feel this connected to someone? Or to think they were so amazing and pretty and brave? He shook his head rapidly to clear the thought and fisted his hands in conviction. “Okay! Let’s go see Anna and Elsa!”

The entryway to the castle was packed with wagons of flowers, produce, and what looked like drapery. Sora danced his way around the busy butlers and servicewomen yelling orders left and right. What was all this? He heard Riku give an aggravated groan and desperately grasp at his jacket hood, tugging him back from his neck.

“Ugh, Riku!” He complained as he felt his best friend press against his back for the second time that day. “You could choke me.”

“Then stop leaving me behind,” Riku said back to him, a little too tersely for Sora’s comfort. “I don’t know this place and I’d rather not lose you.”

Sora pouted and spun around to show off his displeasure. “Yeah, fine. I guess you have a point. C’mon, Anna and Elsa must be somewhere in this mess.” He automatically took Riku’s hand and tugged them through cozy, ornate halls. Every common area they walked through had a raging fireplace and people on ladders decorating hearths with candles and knick-knacks. Sora laughed excitedly when he noticed some wooden animals with cute little Santa hats.

“Riku!” he announced, using his free hand to tug blindly at his best friend’s shirt. “Look at that!”  
He pulled them both over, Riku rather bodily, and awed over the intricate lines and expressions. “Have you ever seen anything like it?!”

Riku bent down to match Sora’s eye level, taking in the decor with a smile. “No. They’re cool. Someone must make them here. Let’s try to find one or two before we leave this world.”

Sora imagined himself, ten years from now, opening a crumbled box marked ‘X-mas’ with his writing and pulling out the carvings in front of them. He grinned at Riku. “Yeah, and then we can bring them out every year! We’ll put it -”

Where?

Sora hesitated, smile frozen as he tried thinking of where they’d go. With his mom back in Destiny Islands? No, that didn’t seem right. Maybe the Mysterious Tower? No, that room was just temporary.

“Sora?” Riku questioned, still hunched over but looking at him in fierce concern. “What’s wrong?”

Sora blinked once, twice, before forcing a smile back. “Nothing! Why do you ask?”

Riku’s stare hardened into something that wasn’t quite disappointment and wasn’t quite anger before standing back to his full height and pointing upward. Following the direction, Sora gritted his teeth at the sight of his backstabbing keyblade just chilling above them.

“Ugh, seriously?” Sora muttered to himself.

“Yeah, seriously,” Riku responded. “What were you thinking about?”

Sora considered deflecting, but when he looked over at the intricate bear again the panicked part of him ceded to a lump of sadness instead. “I just,” he began, trailing off just as quickly. Riku said nothing and waited patiently, even though they both knew it was killing him. Sora was so lucky to have Riku. So lucky to have navigated out of Shibuya and back home without ending them both. Lucky to have won and survived the second keyblade war and every battle he’d ever fought and saving his friends at every turn. But he didn’t feel lucky. He felt isolated, listless, unhappy. He felt upset that both nothing and everything about him had changed. He felt like whoever he was before the keyblade got put into a blender and separated into other people. Now he couldn’t tell which parts were him and which were residual traits from having four other hearts inside of his own.

“I don’t know where I’d put them,” he surmised lamely.

Riku chuckled, as if relieved. “That’s all? You may not have a fireplace, but you could put it on a shelf.”

“A shelf where Riku?” He asked, dejectedly. “I don’t know where I’m supposed to be.”

“Sora!” a cheery, feminine voice called to him from across the room. It was Anna, he knew. Elsa would never sound like that. He peered up at Riku and almost couldn’t pull himself back together. Those glowing, teal eyes looked so sad. Riku never looked that sad. Sora did that to him. Stupid, _stupid_ -

“Anna!” he greeted with a wide smile and a huge hug. It was a complete 180 from how he was feeling, but being a hero had taught him when his problems were relevant and when they weren’t. Right now they weren’t, no matter how distraught Riku looked as Anna grabbed his hands and asked him how he was.

“Great!” Sora responded to Anna, scrutinizing the very queen-like crown atop her head. “But what’s up with all the people here? Are you guys having some kind of event?”

“Yes!” Anna clapped her hands together and rested her cheek on them dreamily. “The Yule ball. It’s a super magical, super sparkly, delicious and wonderful party Arendelle has every year!”

The dark tension in him lightened immediately at Anna’s description. “What? Really? That sounds amazing!”

“I know right?!” She laughed. “You’re more than welcome to join us!”

Sora scratched the back of his head, “Yeah! Riku and I - oh sorry. Anna, this is my friend Riku!” He pulled a now normal-looking Riku over to the two of them. “Is it okay if he comes too? We wanted to come visit you and Elsa. Looks like we came at the right time!”

“Of course!” Anna singsonged. “Nice to meet you, Riku. I’m Anna, Queen of Arendelle.”  
Riku was halfway through a polite return when Sora interjected. “Hold it! Queen? What happened to Elsa? Did she give up the throne?”

Anna sighed and tucked some stray hairs into place under her crown. “It’s a long, long story. But to sum it up, there’s another kingdom to the north of here now. Elsa is taking care of things there, and she left Arendelle to me. But don’t worry, she’ll be here for the ball.”

“Your majesty!” a guard rushed over to them, panting for breath. “It’s happening again. We can’t hold out much longer.”

“Again?” Anna asked with wide eyes. “But I thought my sister was taking care of it.”

The guard shrugged helplessly. “We don’t know what happened, but the defences have suddenly gone down.”

Anna crossed her arms and bit her lip in thought. Riku cleared his throat after a few seconds of collective silence. “Your Highness, is there some trouble we could help you with?”

“Yeah!” Sora jumped in. “Riku and I are really good at helping!”

Anna hesitated before smiling tiredly. “If you could, that’d help us so, so much. There have been these creatures hanging around the boundary between Elsa’s kingdom and mine. She’s had them contained for a couple of days, but I guess they’ve broken free.”

“They’ve not only broken free,” Kristoff sighed, joining their impromptu meeting. “They’re coming straight for Arendelle. It’s almost like we’re a target.”

“Hey Kristoff!” Sora greeted. “Could you take me and Riku - this is Riku, by the way - to where this boundary is? We could probably get rid of whatever’s coming after you guys.”

“Actually,” Anna interrupted, smoothing her dress down. “Would it be too much trouble to ask one of you to stay here? I’d feel more comfortable if the castle had extra protection.”

Sora blinked. As a strategy, it made sense. Why did he hate that idea?

“Of course.” Riku answered for them, all business. “I don’t know this world. So how about Sora goes to investigate?”

Anna deflated in relief. “Yes, yes, yes! Thank you both so much! And Sora, when you get back we can get you both ready for the ball! It’s in two day's time, so you could travel to Elsa’s neck of the woods and come back with her. Believe me, travelling with her is way more fun than on a reindeer.”

“Hey!” Kristoff interjected, offended. Anna giggled and hugged his arm. Sora’s eyes locked on a sparkly ring resting on the queen’s finger, wondering how to ask about it. It looked like an engagement ring. Before he could open his mouth, Riku was suddenly directly in front of him.

“Text me when you get there, and when you beat whatever’s out there. And text me when you find the other queen. And when you’re on your way back,” Riku demanded, hands firmly on Sora’s shoulders.

“Geez, Mom,” Sora laughed, shrugging out of Riku’s hold. “Don’t worry. I got this. Have fun decorating.”

“Wait a second,” Kristoff held up a finger. “There is no way I’m taking anyone outside in those clothes.”

Sora frowned down at his long shorts and short-sleeved jacket.

“Oh! Yes! Let’s find you something else,” Anna chimed, clapping excitedly. “Kristoff, please take him to one of the guest rooms to change into something warmer. Riku, you might as well change too. Follow me,” she cheerfully demanded. “Bye Sora! Thanks again for helping. I’ll see you soon!”

Sora waved in response, watching in amusement as Anna took hold of Riku’s arm and dragged him to the doorway. His smile fell when he caught Riku’s eye right as they left his sight.  
He did not look happy. It was the same look he used to give Sora when they were pre-teens and Sora somehow won a sword fight, or a wrestling match, or a race. Like it upset Riku that someone managed to one-up him, but he couldn't find a valid excuse for his own subpar performance. In his heart, Sora knew the reaction was because he’d deflected a difficult conversation yet again.

“Alright, Sora. Let’s get you that change of clothes and take off. If we leave within the hour we can make it to the boundary by lunchtime,” Kristoff planned, throwing an arm over his shoulder and leading him to the guestrooms. “I think you’re gonna like Elsa’s new home. Totally different from Arendelle, but Sven and I like it.”

Sora smiled as they stepped into the bedroom, taking in the large almost-floor-to-ceiling windows. The snow was still falling peacefully outside, and from this room he could see the town’s center streets were just as busy as he’d left it. Part of him wanted nothing more than to throw on a change of clothes and curl up on the fluffy blue and purple rug next to the lit fireplace. With Riku. Platonically. That’d be nice.

“Sooo, these should fit you,” the man ventured, throwing pants, a long-sleeved shirt, and a furry jacket at him from the huge oak wardrobe. Sora caught each deftly, blinking at all the white.

“Uh, I don’t think this is really my color?” Sora offered, used to his historical in red and black aesthetic. He lightly traced the gold snowflake embellishments on the plush coat with a fingertip. It felt nice.

“Nah, it’ll work on you,” Kristoff assured him, placing two knee-length snow boots close to him.

“Besides, those creatures are black and stand out against the countryside. Blending in wouldn’t be so bad for you. I’m outside if you need me!”

Kristoff gave a half salute and closed the heavy door, its click resounding in the quiet room. Sora hummed and undressed, realizing he was still wet from the snowball fight he and Riku had gotten into. “Ugh,” he complained to the empty room, throwing the garments to the ground and hurriedly slipping on the long sleeve cream shirt. The pants went higher on him than expected, resting right at his waist in a matching color. He frowned at the semi-baggy shirt and fitted pants, moving to the full-length mirror to check out how he looked.

Some aggravated tugging led him to tucking in part of the shirt to show off the two vertical rows of golden buttons on his pants, stamped with some kind of royal emblem, resting at his stomach. The boots had a matching button on the outside of each knee. He playfully posed in front of the mirror, feeling fancy and important. Normally he stayed away from things that were form fitting, being shorter and lankier than he wanted (especially next to Riku), but he looked alright in this.

Humming a tune he’d heard in town under his breath, Sora hoisted the heavy coat onto his shoulders, experimentally jumping up and down to test the weight resistance. It was definitely different from his normal clothes, and the amount of pure fluff it was going to interrupt his normal flow for sure. Still, it was better than freezing.

After picking up his wet clothes and placing them near the fire to dry (because travelling with Donald had instilled some habits his own mother hadn’t been able to), Sora stepped outside to see Kristoff talking to someone with a baker’s hat and a tray. “Hey, I’m all ready to go!” he called, sheepishly waving to the other man as an apology for interrupting.

“Great!” his guide responded, giving him a once over. “You look good.” Kristoff turned to the man and gestured to Sora. “This is the guy who’s gonna help us all out.”

The man smiled brilliantly at him and held out his tray full of colorful sugar cookies. “Nice to meet you. Would you like a cookie or two for the road?”

There was something about him that made Sora feel warm and safe. Maybe it was his smile, or the food, or the hat. “Yeah! I’d love one!” he gushed, looking over decadent rows of christmas trees, ornaments, and wreaths.

Kristoff laughed, selecting a snowman that looked suspiciously like Olaf. “You only want one? I’m taking at least three.”

“Wait, I’m trying to be polite,” Sora said petulantly. “Can I have three too?”

The baker laughed at them both. “Of course! You’re our heroes. Have all the cookies you want!”  
Sweeter words had never been spoken.

They left the castle with a bag full of them, shivering from a gust of northern air that hit them immediately. Kristoff loaded his bag onto Sven and greeted him with a carrot, which was inhaled as soon as the reindeer’s eyes locked onto it. Sora pulled his hood over his head, watching his breath fog past the furry rim framing his face. “So,” he began, stepping closer to pet Sven in greeting. The reindeer snorted and pushed his wet nose into Sora’s bare hand. “Are we both gonna ride him?”

“No,” Kristoff answered, bringing two fingers to his mouth and whistled. Another reindeer around the same size as Sven sauntered up to them, fur slightly darker and antlers smaller. “This one is yours. Gloves are in the pocket there. I recommend not taking them off at all while we’re outside. Don’t want you losing any fingers.”

Sora greeted the animal and brought his hand up to pet it, laughing in mirth as it continued to chew something idly. “What’s his or her name?”

“His name is Hay,” his guide answered, swinging himself up onto Sven. “Because he’s always chewing it. We have no idea where he gets it all.”

Sora snickered. “Alright. Well, hey there Hay.” Kristoff groaned at the pun. “My name’s Sora, and we’re gonna save Arendelle today. How does that sound?”

Hay stared at him blankly, jaw still chewing steadily.

“Okay!” Sora answered, as if Hay had happily agreed and was excited to join their adventure. “Then let’s do this!”

Riding a reindeer was strange, he quickly realized. Kristoff had directed him to lean forward so he could grip Hay’s antlers, but after an hour his lower back was starting to hurt. “How much longer?” he called to Kristoff as they crossed a bridge.

His companion glanced back. “Not long now! Maybe ten minutes. We might start seeing some royal guards and the creatures sooner, though.” As if commanded, yelling and clashing sounded from just beyond the trees adjacent to their path. Hay and Sven burst through low bushes to a large meadow covered completely in snow. A handful of royal guards were laying down with blankets over them. Sora also noticed some warriors with differently patterned clothing amongst them. Most of the men and women clustered in the middle of the field in battle with swift, black creatures.

They had swarmed their camp, Sora realized. The soldier’s tents were charred and broken, items strewn across the area haphazardly. But what worried him more was the fact that the creatures were absolutely the last thing he’d expected to find here. Heartless, he’d thought when Anna had mentioned them. Even with Xehanort gone, the vestiges of his work remained. Master Yen Sid had told them it’d take a while for the symptoms of darkness (i.e, heartless and nobodies) to vanish completely. But these were not heartless, nor were they nobodies.

“The unversed,” Sora muttered, sliding off Hay in tandem with Kristoff.

There was only one reason they’d be here. He pursed his lips and thanked his stars that Riku had not been the one to come out here. The last thing he needed was a confrontation between his best friend and Vanitas.

“I know what’s behind this!” Sora told Kristoff as they rushed toward the fray. “There’s a guy that should be controlling them all. I’ll try to clear as many of these out as I can. If I disappear for a bit, that means I found him.”

Kristoff nodded, swinging at an unversed with his staff and sending it comically to their left. “Got it. If you get lost in the woods, Elsa’s domain is just west of here. You’ll know it when you see it. Good luck, Sora.”

“You too, and thanks for the ride Hay!” Sora called, summoning Crystal Snow and casting firaga in one motion. All things considered, the battle was easy. Most of the floods and jelly shades had already been taken out, leaving him with the bruisers and iron prisoners. A few combos and command changes made quick work of them. The guards cheered when their camp for their cleared camp, moving toward Kristoff to clasp his shoulder in gratitude.

Sora was about to head their way when a hand snatched his right bicep. He scarcely had time to brace himself as someone hurled him hard and fast, sailing through the woods beyond colliding painfully against a tree. His back was gonna hate him tomorrow.

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” a familiar voice taunted him. “Took you long enough.”

Sora sighed and blinked up at Vanitas. Everything about him was the same as the last time they’d met in Shibuya, except his eyes were no longer the tell-tale heartless yellow. Looks like Neku had been right about this one too.“Vanitas. I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” he complained, rising to his feet. “We talked about-”

“No!” Vanitas shouted, black spiky hair bouncing in aggravation. “You talked about this. You decided this. It was and is none of your business if I live or die.”

“Then why were you expecting me?” Sora yelled back. “I can’t tell if you want help or to be left alone! Why are you attacking Arendelle?!”

“I don’t know!” Vanitas roared, magic sigil appearing below his feet. Sora had seen that enough times to know what was going to happen. He jumped, gasping when he realized he’d forgotten to account for the added weight of his winter clothes. Vanitas’s attack hit him full force, then again, and again as he teleported continuously. Sora’s health had already taken a huge nosedive with the initial throw and was now dangerously low. He gritted his teeth and command changed, using the magical transformation to buy him time to think. Dark lightning narrowly missed him as he cast curaga and fought for space between them.

“Vanitas!” he tried again. “Just tell me what’s going on with you! Talk to me!”

He landed a few combos and a well-aimed thundaga before his look-alike snapped. “I told you I wanted to disappear in the Keyblade Graveyard. You had no right to bring me back!” He punctuated his statement with a set of homing fireballs.

Sora cursed under his breath. Dodge rolling in the snow was not nearly as effective as he needed it to be. “I didn’t want you to disappear. I wanted you to be whole! And now you are. Just like Ventus and Roxas-”

“I am nothing like them!” Vanitas bellowed. “Look at me!” He gestured to himself. “Look what I’m still capable of!” Raising his hand, the boy summoned a lone flood. “Why would you risk your- your utopia with my existence?” he practically spat, sending a wave of dark-blizzard toward Sora.

Sora grimaced as blocked, feeling his MP finally recover enough for another curaga. “Vantias! I am looking at you. You look like me.” That statement granted Sora a moment’s pause. He took it as permission to continue. “Everyone could forget about you. Fine. But I couldn’t. I literally see myself in you-”

“I’d take on the appearance of whoever Ventus came in contact with. It doesn’t mean we have anything to do with each other,” Vantias affirmed, though Sora noticed his body was slowly releasing tension. Thank god, they were actually talking.

“I think it does,” Sora said between pants. “And even if it doesn’t, we make our own connections, right? Well, I choose you, Vanitas. I want to you to live. Be happy, or maybe just not so mad at everything all the time.”

The corner of Vantias’s mouth quirked up slightly, and oh my god was that a tiny, tiny laugh Sora just got out of him? Invigorated, Sora continued. “I don’t care about what the others think of you. I didn’t tell them what happened in the city because I wanted to give you the chance to live your life away from us. You deserve peace, and if you get that with none of us around, I understand.”

Vanitas lowered Void Gear and appraised him curiously. “You didn’t tell your friends about me? Not even your beloved Riku?”

Sora flushed at the jab. The worst part about having people in your heart attain their own bodies was the fact that they knew you a little too well. Roxas, Xion, Ventus, and Vantias probably understood him better than he understood himself. “ _Especially_ Riku,” he answered. They both knew the silver-haired boy hated his look-alike. The uncanny resemblance triggered something protective and angry in his best friend.

Vanitas blinked slowly at him, reminding Sora of the suspicious stray cats he used to feed on the play island. Then he smirked and tilted his head up smugly. “That’s still not a thing yet?”

Nope. This was all a big nope for Sora.

“Shut up!” he responded to his darker counterpart, drawing a laugh. “It’s not funny!”

Vanitas side-glanced him, waving a hand to summon a dark portal. “Hero of light can’t confess. Hilarious. See you, Sora.”

And then he was alone, watching the portal’s dark tendrils curl into the cold air. The silence of the forest felt both welcome and heavy in the battle's wake. He sighed, bringing a hand to his head and dematerializing his keyblade. Where was he? Sora tapped his arm and looked around, guessing which way was west and hoping he’d find Elsa fast. The fighting had taken far longer than he’d expected. The sky was already getting darker.

He gasped, suddenly remembering his promise to Riku and hastily digging out his gummiphone. “Oh no,” he murmured, examining the broken screen. It wouldn’t turn on no matter how many times he held down the power button. Riku was gonna be mad at him. Better mad at him for this than over Vanitas. If that news came out, he’d have a very difficult band of friends to placate and apologize to. Especially Aqua and Terra. Ventus might be the only one that’d understand his decision, but they both knew he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life.

“Ah!” Sora tripped forward while walking, barely catching himself from a face full of snow.

“Wow. Am I nothing to you now?” a voice deadpanned.

Sora looked around and then down, face splitting into a wide grin. “Olaf! I’m so happy to see you!”

“Yeah now you see me,” Olaf complained, branches petulantly crossed. “I was calling your name a whole minute before you ran into me!”

“Oh, sorry.” Sora sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “I was thinking about something.”

Olaf side-eyed him before grinning. “That’s okay! It happens to me too. Are you here to see Elsa?”

“Yeah!” Sora breathed. “Anna had me come out here to defeat those monsters you guys had roaming around. They’re gone now, but I need a place to stay the night and a way to get back to Arendelle.”

“No problem,” Olaf sing-songed, beginning to lead them through the forest. “Let’s go to the village! You’ll love it. Lots happened since you’ve been gone. Elsa died and then I died and then we thought maybe her parents didn’t die where we thought they did but then we found out they knew each other as kids-”

“What?” Sora blinked, barely keeping up with the story.

“Then there was this voice but it was Elsa I guess? I don’t know, that part still confuses me. Oh! Kristoff and Anna are engaged! So romantic.”

“Ah ha!” Sora pumped up a fist. “I knew it! When did it happen? When’s the wedding?”

“It happened right after Elsa saved Arendelle from a huge tidal wave caused by a broken dam that represented colonial oppression and subjugation!” Olaf explained cheerfully, pausing when Sora said nothing in response.

An inhuman screech in the distance broke the confused silence. Sora’s eyes widened comically at Olaf. “Oh that’s Samantha,” Olaf assured him flippantly. “I think they’re getting married in the spring! Anna likes all the wildflowers. I do too. I think purple flowers are the best, don’t you?” Sora crossed his arms and glanced suspiciously at the tree cover around them, answering Olaf’s questions here and there. By the time they’d reached the village, Olaf had run them through discussions on flowers, the best topping for pudding, which tree would make a good sled, the falsely infallible authority of God, and what color Sora should wear for the Yule ball.

“We’re here!” Olaf tada’d, gesturing to the large huts and multi-colored bonfires. People similarly dressed to the other warriors in the battle were laughing and weaving by the fire. Off to the side, a large spit gave off the smell of barbecued meat and stew. He couldn’t help but notice the creatures here and there, brightly colored, helping keep the flame with their breath. The wind seemed to push the snowflakes from falling on the perimeter.

“Wow, is this magic?” Sora asked, looking around in awe.

“Kinda! I don’t know how it works,” Olaf shrugged. “I’ll go check out the food! You can ask Honeymaren where Elsa is. She usually knows.”

Sora hummed and hesitantly approached a group of women. “Uh, hi! My name is Sora. I’m Olaf and Elsa’s friend. Olaf told me to ask Honey...maren where Elsa is?”

“Oh!” one woman clapped her hands. “She’s with Yelena, our tribe leader. They’re in the center hut there.”

Sora smiled and thanked them, walking forward and ducking to the structure carefully. It smelled heavily of unfamiliar herbs that made his nose twitch. The two women sitting in front of a low table turned to look at him. He waved. “Hi! I’m Sora, Elsa and Olaf’s friend. Olaf told me to me to ask Honeymaren where Elsa might be?”

The younger woman stood slowly, saying something to her elder under her breath. Smoothing her braid down, she cleared her throat and smiled. “I’m Honeymaren. This is the leader of our tribe, Yelena.” The older woman nodded in greeting. Sora, not knowing the protocol for tribe leaders, sputtered and bowed formally. The women giggled quietly at his sporadic gesture. Honeymaren extended her arm to the entryway, prompting him outside.

“Elsa’s usually close to the village,” she explained, fingering the tassels of her shirt. “Let’s go check on her castle.”

“Castle?” Sora echoed, following Honeymaren through the village. “She has another castle? Here?”

“Yeah,” Honeymaren laughed. “She can make them you know.”

“Believe me, I know,” Sora affirmed. “I was there when she made her first one. It was amazing! Huge and all blue and purple!” He recounted the memory to Honeymaren as they made their way up a hill. “She wouldn’t let anyone in. Not even her sister Anna!”

“Sounds like her,” Honeymaren said fondly. “She’s stubborn, especially when it comes to keeping those she loves safe. The Northuldra would still be shrouded in magic fog were it not for her coming to our rescue.”

Sora crossed his arms. “Magic fog? You guys were trapped or something?”

“Yeah,” Honeymaren replied, smiling. “But we aren’t now. Elsa helps us keep the spirits in check here. She’s a bridge between us and the earth. Plus, she can use her powers all she wants with us. It’s safe here!” Honeymaren stopped and gestured to the building in front of them. “Here’s her castle.”

“Wow,” Sora crowed, looking at the shimmering spires. It looked a lot like Elsa’s old castle, but brighter, more open, and more intricate. Arendelle’s flag flew proud and tall above them. “This castle is way cooler!”

Honeymaren laughed, walking forward and pushing the door open with practiced ease. “Elsa?” she called into the echoing chamber before walking inside. Sora followed, marvelling at the snowflake design on the crystalline floor.

“Honey?” Elsa’s voice echoed back. “Is that you? I thought we were meeting later?” Her words became louder as she spoke until she appeared at the top of the staircase above them. “Oh! Sora is that you?!” she asked, grinning widely.

“Of course it’s me!” Sora laughed, watching her pick up her white dress front and practically fly downstairs to hug him. “But is this you?!” he complimented, taking in her shiny dress, free flowing hair, and relaxed expression.

“Of course it is.” She parroted, folding her arms. “You don’t look too bad yourself. At least for someone who came back from a war.”

He could practically feel the question radiating off of Honeymaren, so he sighed and turned to explain. “Don’t worry, it was a war far from here. We won, but it was a very hard and long battle.” Elsa’s hand came to rest at his shoulder when his pause continued for a beat too long. “Almost lost in a lot of ways. But! It’s okay now. I’m here with my friend Riku for a couple of days.”

“Oh, Riku?” Elsa repeated teasingly. “The very same Riku you couldn’t stop contacting last time you were here?”

Sora felt his face flush. “Yes, the same one, Elsa. Thanks for asking.”

“He likes this Riku person?” Honeymaren asked Elsa, locking their arms together.

“Yes, definitely,” Elsa responded before Sora could deny anything. “I’d ask where he is and why he didn’t come to visit me with you, but I already know.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a thin, rolled piece of paper. “This came an hour ago,” she clarified while handing it to him.  
Sora frowned, removing his gloves and carefully unrolling the paper.

**Dear Elsa,**

**I’m so happy that you’re coming with Honeymaren! The preparations are going perfectly. I even got those berries you like put into a pie! If you could bring more of that special wood, that’d be great. They last forever in the fireplaces. Can’t wait to see you guys the day after tomorrow!**   
**XOXO your amazing sister Anna.**

**PS. Those creatures broke through the barrier you put up around them**   
**earlier today, but don’t worry! Sora and his friend Riku came to visit at just the right time! Sora left earlier today with Kristoff, and they defeated them all. Kristoff said Sora was headed your way to get a ride back, so please look out for him!**   
**Also, Riku wants Sora to turn on his ~~fone~~ phone as soon as possible.**   
**And he wants him to call him, not ~~test tecs~~ text him. Whatever that means.**

Sora snorted, imagining Riku fight with Anna over the spelling of the word ‘text’. “Well, jokes on him. My phone’s broken,” he said to the two women, taking out the device to show them. Honeymaren poked it curiously.

“Is that what you use to contact each other?” she asked. “I’ve seen nothing like it.”

“Yeah. But it’s not working right now.”

“Why don’t we write a response to Riku and Anna?” Elsa offered, leading them to a parlor room. “We can send it by bird. It’ll be there within an hour or two.” She removed a quill and paper from a desk drawer, handing it over to Sora.

“Sounds good to me,” Sora agreed, taking the materials and sitting down. “Dear Anna and Riku,” he narrated before stopping, bringing the feather to his chin in thought. “Thanks for your letter. Everything is fine here. Riku, my phone is broken. I won’t be able to text you anytime soon, but I am safe!” He straightened up and looked at Elsa for direction.

“Honeymaren and I were going to head to Arendelle in the morning, but there’s something I want to show you. Tell them we’ll be there the morning of the ball.”

Sora nodded and wrote it down, signing the letter with a flourish he knew Riku would snort at. “Okay, done and done.” He handled it off to Elsa, who rolled it up and sang three distinct notes. Like magic, a snowy white owl with black specks landed gracefully on her forearm. Honeymaren took a string from her shirt tassel and tied the letter to the bird’s leg.

“Please get this is Anna for me,” Elsa asked the owl, kissing its head when it cooed. Sora laughed in delight as the bird took off with his message to Riku, leaving straight out of an open window above them.

“Wow, Riku is gonna love that,” Sora smiled. He wondered how things were going in Arendelle. Was it attacked by the unversed while it was away? Was Riku bored? Was he helping Anna decorate? Sora bit his lip as he envisioned Riku in a comfy white sweater arguing with Christoff about mistletoe locations.

“We should get going,” Honeymaren said to them both, breaking him out of his train of thought. “It’s nightfall already and getting colder by the minute.”  
“Alright,” Elsa agreed. “I’d let you stay here with me, Sora, but as you can see the castle can’t accommodate any kind of heat to keep you warm. Honeymaren has something better back in the village.” She hugged Honeymaren and then Sora farewell. “If you could meet me early in the morning, I have something you need to see. I’ll be in the village at dawn.”

Sora frowned, keeping their hands clasped. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” Elsa sighed. “It is now, for me. But Ahtohallan is urging me to bring you to it.”

Sora furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh, ok. I’ll be ready then.” What in the world was Ahtohallan? Honeymaren guided him back down the hill, which he was eternally grateful for. Despite the forest having a beautiful luminous glow, he couldn’t pick apart the pathways and direction from the way they came. The sky was no help either, overcast and black. He tried to turn on his phone again once he was tucked into his makeshift sleeping bag. No dice. The hut was pleasantly warm from the other tribe members resting. Sora wondered if Riku was in one of Arendelle’s big, plush beds back at the castle, already asleep. Or maybe it was too early for him to sleep? When they were kids, Riku was always the last one to go to sleep at their sleepovers and the first to wake up.

But things had changed, apparently. The last time he’d gotten to sleep in the same room as Riku was right after the mark of mastery exam. Riku had passed out for an entire day, whereas Sora couldn’t get more than five minutes for the life of him. Over the next week of recovery, Sora still took hours to close his eyes while Riku laid across from him, dead to the world. When had they switched places?

Sora frowned, thought about Olaf’s pudding topping choice, and eventually gave into his heavy eyelids.


	2. Into the Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora comes to terms with the fact that his heart is a mess.
> 
> Elsa plays fairy godmother and dresses him up for a Yule celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes hello would you like some angst on your angst

He woke up in a panic. Sora scanned left and right, cementing the idea that he was safe and that the worlds, his friends, were too. These sporadic nightmares were the worst ones he’d ever had in his entire life, all of them about the Keyblade Graveyard, the Final World, Xehanort almost possessing his body during the mark of mastery, Riku leaving him, Riku falling to darkness, Riku dying for him.

“Hey, hey,” a soft voice cut into his spiraling. Sora turned red, teary eyes to the boy next to him. He could barely make out short brown hair in the darkness. His smile, though, was patient and sympathetic. “My name’s Ryder. What’s yours?”

“S-sora,” Sora murmured, self-consciously curling in on himself.

“Okay, Sora. Nice to meet you. Hey buddy, you’re breathing kinda fast there. Could you take a few slow ones with me?” Ryder asked him. Sora nodded and complied, using Ryder’s breathing as a template. It was during the fourth one that Sora realized that he’d been a few thoughts away from a panic attack.

“Thanks,” Sora smiled. “That was kind of close.”

Ryder smiled back and got into a more comfortable position. “No problem. I used to get those a lot too. They suck.”

Sora laughed wetly, watching his volume to avoid disturbing the surrounding slumberers. “Yeah…”

“So Sora,” Ryder prompted, pointing upward. “Should I be worried about that or…?”

The keyblade wielder groaned at the sight of his disobedient keyblade hovering peacefully in the air, having most likely sensed his nightmare. “Yeah, it does that. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine.”

“Is it though?” Ryder asked, still staring at it above them.

Sora hesitated.

Ryder looked down to meet his eyes. “I had panic attacks when I was dealing with a big problem. They stopped when I solved it.”

“... What was the problem?” Sora asked, curious and now wide awake.

“Well, my sister is Honeymaren. You met her. She’s awesome. Destined to lead the village after Yelena passes through the gateway. But for a long time I thought I had no talents? I didn’t know what I was meant to do. It made me anxious.”

Sora hummed to show he was listening, leaning in closer to Ryder.

“It made me think everything I’d done up to that moment had been useful for the village, but not for me, you know? I worried that I hadn’t become the person I was supposed to because I didn’t feel…happy? Not here. Not in the village working as a weaver.”

“So, what happened then?” Sora asked gently.

“I found the reindeer,” Ryder said proudly, a smirk on his face. “They’ve been helpful for, well, everything here in the village. And I was the only one they let go near them for the longest time. I’m kinda the reindeer whisperer around here.” A snort escaped Sora before he could stop it, prompting Ryder to cover his mouth with the palm of his hand. Sora giggled into Ryder’s warm palm. “Shhh, Sora,” Ryder laughed with him, albeit more quietly.

“Sorry, sorry,” Sora said once Ryder released him. “So your destiny is with the reindeer.”

“Yeah,” Ryder smiled. “What about you? What’s yours?”

Sora’s smile dropped slowly as he searched for the answer. Was he still a hero if there were no longer villains? Could he say he was a keyblade wielder if there were _literal keyblade masters_ that did his job?

“Oh,” Ryder whispered emphatically when the silence dragged. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

Sora bit his lip and averted his gaze to the corner of his blanket.

“I get it,” Ryder continued when he didn’t answer. “Sora, really, I do.”

Sora heard shuffling and suddenly Ryder was an inch away from him, forcing their eyes together. “You aren’t alone. And you have a purpose.”

And maybe it was because he was tired, or stressed, or there was a weird mushroom in the stew they ate for dinner, but something about that made him croak out a sob.

“Oh, Sora,” Ryder soothed, wrapping his arms around the boy and bringing them close. “It’s ok. No one here will judge you. We’ve heard stories, you know. From Elsa. About what you did for them and for Arendelle. She said that you travel across entire worlds, saving people? Is that right?”

Sora sobbed again and nodded into Ryder’s chest.

“That’s incredible,” the other boy gushed. “You’re amazing, Sora. I was there today, you know? When you fought off those creatures at the boundary. It was like nothing I’d seen before.”

“It looks special because you don’t know anyone else who can do it,” Sora rationalized, oddly bitter. “All my friends can do stuff like that, some of them even better than me.”

“But I don’t care, Sora,” Ryder whispered. “Because you were the one who was here for us. Not them.”

Sora blinked a few tears free and looked up at the boy. Ryders brown eyes were so different from Riku’s, but they both had that fire, that determination, that made him feel secure and-  
And he had a point. So what if Riku was a better fighter and Kairi was smarter? So what if Roxas was acclimating to his new life far better than Sora was back in his old one? So what if Yen Sid still wouldn’t let him retake his mark of mastery exam? He was the one who’d liberated countless worlds from darkness multiple times. Sure, he’d had help from everyone, but their help wouldn’t have mattered _if he hadn’t been there the whole time_. No one could take that away from him, he realized, looking back into Ryder’s eyes, which flickered upward and then back to his.

“Feeling better?” he asked Sora with a light smile.

Sora nodded. “Yeah, I think I realized something important. Something that’ll make my thoughts... easier?” His heart felt lighter than it had in a good, long time. It was an almost palpable relief.

“Good,” Ryder affirmed, knocking his forehead to Sora’s. “Your key’s gone. Figured that meant things got better.”

It was in this moment that Sora registered their position, how he was essentially in Ryder’s lap and their lips were inches away from each other and - oh, oh, _oh_. He hurriedly pushed himself out of the position, landing bodily on his forearms. Ryder looked confused at the movement but said nothing as Sora nervously laughed and threw on his jacket. “Sorry, I just remembered that Elsa wanted to me to meet up with her. There’s this place she wanted to take me to, aqutone? I dunno. She said to meet her outside before dawn,” Sora whispered, tugging on his boots and avoiding eye contact.

“Ahtohallan, you mean? That’s a great idea! The spirit can help guide you to your purpose. It did for Elsa,” Ryder whisper-yelled. Someone next to them groaned at the volume. They both winced, pursing their lips and looking at each other owlishly. Ryder rose and followed Sora outside into the cold morning air. “So,” Ryder said, awkwardly rolling his neck. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Sora. You of all people deserve it.”

Sora blinked at him and chuckled. “That’s nice of you to say, Ryder, but you don’t even know me. I could be someone who’s messed up more times than they’ve put things back together.”  
The sky was glowing red with the dawning sun, casting long shadows over them from the skinny, leaf-ridden trees.

“But I know you aren’t, Sora,” Ryder spoke, genuine and gentle. He took one of Sora’s hands in his own and brought it to his chest, right above his own heart. “This tells me so.” Sora froze as he watched the orange light burst across Ryder’s face and ignite the amber in his eyes. His own heart was beating rapidly, erratically, but differently from his almost-panic attack earlier. This one was exciting, liberating, interesting-

“Sora?” Elsa’s voice broke the tension, propelling both him and Ryder away from one another. The motion had Sora’s head reeling, because he didn’t remember leaning into Ryder at all.

“Y-yeah!” Sora said much too cheerfully. “I’m ready to go!” He bounced over to her and turned back to wave at Ryder. “Thanks for listening to me. I’ll see you around?”

Ryder hesitated in his reply, as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it. “Yeah. Good luck, Sora.” He nodded to Elsa and returned to the warmth of the hut.

They stared at the door flap for a second before turning to each other, Elsa with curiosity, him with nonchalance. “Oh, you’re _definitely_ telling me what all that was,” She commanded, beginning to lead them through one of the village paths. “It’s a long way to Ahtohallan.”

Sora groaned and followed, already feeling something heavy and shameful in the pit of his stomach. “I’m only telling if you tell me what happened with you guys first. Olaf’s version of the story made no sense.”

“I’m afraid the real version will confuse you too, but fine. It’s a deal,” Elsa bargained. They made their way through the icy forest while Elsa talked about the disembodied voice that had led her to Ahtohallan, and about her and Anna’s arguments. “She just didn’t get it.” Elsa complained, brushing aside a flimsy branch and passing through. “There was something inside of me saying I belonged somewhere else.”

Sora quietly agreed. “Yeah, but you ended up going anyway, right? By yourself?”

“Well, yeah,” Elsa admitted. “There are some things you just have to do on your own, you know?”

Sora thought about that as Elsa recounted how she’d found the village, trapped in fog, and figured out the mystery behind her parents. By the end of the story, Sora laughed. "Oh, so that’s what Olaf was talking about. You rode a tidal wave or something? To save Arendelle?”

Elsa smiled cheekily. “No, I rode a magic water horse who ran faster than the wave.”

“A what?!” Sora bellowed, entire body brimming with excitement. “You have a _water horse_?! That travels across water?! Forget reindeer, we need more of those!”

Elsa laughed, helping him climb up the last rocks. “Well, I only have one, but there’s plenty of room for you.” She jumped down onto the calm beach and held her hand out toward the water, summoning the beast to the sand.

Sora gawked and scrambled down the rocks, coming to stand next to her. A horse rose from the water’s foam, materializing just enough to show lines of its mouth and eyes and tail strands. It reminded Sora of those carved animal figures back in Arendelle. “Wow,” he said to it. “You’re so beautiful.”

The horse neighed and shook his head left and right. Elsa chuckled, swinging herself up and onto the tall animal with a slight boost of magic. She motioned for Sora to follow, and he pulled the same move off with a smidge of grace. “Okay.” Elsa nodded, tugging Sora’s arms together across her stomach. “Let’s go!”

Once, when Sora was seven and Riku was eight, they’d gotten permission to go on one of the big roller coasters in the amusement park on the main island. Riku had been ecstatic. Sora, not so much. He remembered the clamminess of his hands and how his shoulders shook the whole time they stood in line. He didn’t want Riku to think he was a baby, so he pretended he was fine. Once the bored teenage attendants locked them into their own little cart and there was no going back, Sora remembered feeling overwhelming dread.

But Riku had known him his whole life and knew he was terrified. Riku took his gross, sweaty hand and held it firmly. He’d smiled at Sora and told him he thought Sora was brave for doing this with him, especially because he was scared. Sora denied being afraid at all, throwing his shoulders back in a false display of bravado. Riku smiled his little smile and kept holding his hand. “Because maybe now I’m the one that’s scared,” Riku said softly. And then the roller coaster had shot off, proceeding to be a screaming fest for Sora and a laugh-until-you-can’t-breathe two minutes for Riku.

“Hold on tight,” Elsa grinned, throwing the reigns and vaulting them steadily across the ocean.

Thankfully, years of overcoming his fear of things that go fast, paired with gummiship experience, had knocked all reservations he had about the magic water horse. He laughed at the wind in his hair, looking around them and seeing nothing but ocean. When they’d finally reached the isle, Sora climbed (read: fell) off the horse and looked at the large glaciers in front of them. It reminded him a little too much of the Final World: empty, barren, and beautiful.

“Sora?” Elsa called worriedly.

He turned to ask her what was wrong, only to find his keyblade once again hovering between them. “Aw, man,” Sora breathed. “Sorry. This keeps happening. Don’t worry, we’re fine.”

“Then why is it doing this?” She asked, coming up to examine the floating weapon.

“I think it’s tied to how I feel. Whenever I feel upset or sad now, it just appears out of nowhere. Didn’t use to happen before,” Sora explained. It was getting embarrassing having to tell everyone all the time. Bad enough that all his closest friends knew.

“Like my powers,” Elsa offered. “Remember, when we met? I was losing control of my powers and I didn’t know why?”

Sora frowned. The comparison wasn’t too far off. “Yeah, I guess so. But I can’t just stop feeling things.”

Elsa grasped his hand and led up carefully up the glacier’s slope. “It wasn’t feeling things that made me lose control back then. It was that I felt them and forced them away.”

Sora bit his lip and followed her into the ice cave, glancing at the currents of light that ran through it like the forest he’d spent the night in. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Is that what you were talking to Ryder about this morning?” Elsa asked, glancing back to make sure he followed her right turn.

“Kinda,” he admitted. “The war is over, but I don’t feel like it’s really an accomplishment. Everyone is safe, but I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.”

Elsa laughed sardonically. “Boy oh boy, do I know that feeling. I was so relieved when I found this place. It showed me who I was, helped me realize that I wasn’t meant to be the Queen of Arendelle. It wants to show you something too, if you’ll let it.”

They stopped at the precipice, nothing below but a circle of dark ice.

“I’m game,” Sora half-said, half-sighed in response. “Not sure what else I could do at this point.”

Elsa smiled sympathetically and gestured to the ring of ice. Getting the message, Sora breathed in and jumped down. Upon impact, a ripple of white light emanated from the area below his feet. It happened again when he stepped back. Then, like a dream, the colors raced down the walls to join the whiteness below him. And there, of all things, was his station of the heart. He gazed at his own image, peaceful next to circles containing the faces of his friends. What worried him, though, were the large blank slices in it. Had it not loaded completely? He walked over to it, gasping when he realized the slices were holes in the ground, not holograms.

“What?” he asked the air. “What’s going on?”

As if in response, the air swirled around him. When he opened his eyes, tons of images circled around the station in what looked like ice frames. Some of them were from his childhood, others were from last week. They were his memories, he realized. He looked around in awe, spinning on his heels to take them all in.

“Sora!” Elsa’s voice broke through. “You have to ask the spirit a question!”

Sora squinted up at Elsa’s form and gave her a thumbs up. “All right spirit. Why is the keyblade appearing without me asking it to?”

A few images descended neatly to the ground. One was the moment he sacrificed himself with the dark keyblade for Kairi. Another displayed his fight with Roxas, the first time they met inside of him. Then, him bowing to Saix - now Isa - for Kairi’s safety. He hated every single one of these memories, but continued on. Riku’s face when he’d closed the door to darkness. Failing the mark of mastery exam. _Dying_.

“Seriously?” he asked the room with angrily. “This isn’t helping me at all!”

Like clockwork, the keyblade appeared in front of him. The images floated back up and were immediately replaced by new ones: Sora accepting the keyblade on Destiny Islands; him winning it back from Riku’s grasp in Hollow Bastion. Then a ton of frames showing him locking worlds, all the way up to kingdom hearts itself.

“I don’t understand,” he bemoaned. “What do you want from me?”

The keyblade moved to face him, end-first. It pointed straight at his chest and waited. The images disappeared again, making way for only one. A very important one. Sora blinked tiredly at the image of Riku, keyblade poised and ready to lock or unlock, behind his own corporal kingdom key. He had an inkling in his mind that he desperately wanted to be wrong, because he couldn’t afford to have Riku do something as intimate and soul-bearing as literally diving into his heart _again_. Last time he’d had people in there to guide his best friend. Without them, Sora feared he’d see things he wanted no one to see.

But the picture in front of him was clear. He had paid a price to bring back Kairi. But instead of paying it and returning as he should’ve, he’d stuck around to save Vanitas, the other players of the Reaper’s Game, and Riku (who should have never have been there in the first place). It was something he wouldn’t have survived were it not for his brooding look-alike he’d fought with earlier.

“My heart isn’t whole, is it?” Sora murmured at his broken station. “Too much happened. Too many people made space for themselves and left. And then I smashed the rest of it trying to save the others, again.” He frowned at the biggest slice, cutting over his drawn heart. “Maybe I should leave this all behind too. Maybe Vanitas had it right.”

The image of Riku shifted suddenly, trading places to the moment they’d combined keyblades in the realm of darkness. He smiled sadly at it. “You think I can fix it? Together with Riku?”  
The station flickered once, practically throwing the image of Riku behind the door of darkness in his face. The message was clear, they’d done the impossible before. But Sora stared at the concern in his friend’s eyes, exactly the same concern he’d seen right before Anna had dragged him off. It was a look Sora never wanted to see again, one that communicated distance and solitude and a lack of connection. Oh no. Who needed a door of darkness to separate them now? Sora had made his own.

And Riku was on the other side.

xXx

Elsa had given him some time to himself after the room flickered back to the dark stage it had been. He knew now what the problem really was. All this questioning over his purpose would be manageable if he hadn’t been barring his heart off from everyone since returning from death. Sitting here in a dark, quiet ice cavern felt so much like how his insides did. Maybe Shibuya had taken something from him he’d been missing since. But, Sora reminded himself, he’d lost his friends, his abilities, his memories, so many times. Over and over. He’d reclaimed what was lost without fail, with or without other people around him.

Maybe he just needed to be brave enough to tell Riku everything, like how he’d already had a plan before Riku had arrived to The Reaper’s Game. Yeah, he could be brave again, be the way he was when he’d woken up alone in Traverse Town, terrified but confident that he was where destiny had dictated.

“Sora?” Elsa gently questioned, boots clicking against the ice below them. “Are you alright? Did you find what you needed?”

Sora looked up at her, a true queen who liberated herself from her own fears. Who found her home after everything outside her heart had told her not to. “No to the first, yes to the second.”

Elsa frowned understandingly. “Is there anything I can do?”

Sora exhaled and stood, lazily stretching his arms and placing them behind his head. “Nah. You’ve actually done a lot for me already. I haven’t been fine for a long time, I think. Maybe even before the war happened. I don’t know. But I know I need to talk to Riku, and to my friends.” He needed to be honest, something he’d never really been good at with himself and others. He placed his hands on his hips and smiled tiredly at Elsa. “I’m ready to leave and never come back to this room.” Elsa laughed the way people laugh when they’d been worried for far too long.

“Well, it’s already quite late,” she said thoughtfully, exiting the cavern and leading him through the labyrinth. “It’d make more sense to stay here for the night and take off directly to Arendelle in the morning.” She lead them both to a brighter ice cavern, probably closer to the surface than where they’d been, and went about making a circle in the middle of the room. Sora eyed her curiously as she took a few sticks out of her bag and placed them carefully atop one another.

Elsa smiled at his attention. “This wood burns bright and long without need for replacement. If you cast your fire magic, I’m sure it’ll keep you warm for the night.”

“It won’t melt all the ice around it?” Sora asked, keyblade already out for the spell.

“Nope,” Elsa answered, shrugging out of her overcoat. “All the ice on Ahtohallan is impermeable. You don’t have to worry.”

Sora shrugged and cast fira, huddling close to the flames as they grew and grew by the second. “Wow, this is amazing,” he commented. “Two small sticks made this much fire?”

“Now you know why Anna wanted some,” Elsa laughed. “It makes the winters much more bearable in Arendelle.” She settled on her back and sighed, using her coat as a blanket. “Talk to you in the morning, Sora.”

Sora copied her actions, laying as close to the fire as he could without worrying about one of his spikes becoming a torch. “Sweet dreams, Elsa.”

And for the first time in forever, Sora fell straight asleep. He dreamed of Traverse Town and his dream eaters. He patted his meow wow and komory bat, laughing at their happy trilling. They played until he rolled over and opened his eyes to the light blue of ice. Sora groaned, registering faintly that he had woken up, before sitting up and looking over at the still-roaring fire. Elsa was fast asleep on the other side, but a quick glance up proved that sun had risen - or was about to.

He stretched, wincing as a bone or two popped, and carefully toed on his boots. It was only fair to let Elsa sleep in. Following the light, he exited the large glacier and breathed in deep. It smelled like the sea, salty and fresh and slightly fishy. A different sea breeze than he was used to. Sora walked along the shoreline, keeping his eyes peeled for any seashells to bring back Xion and Namine.

Now there were two people he’d barely spoken to since he’d gotten back. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to. He did. The two of them were living out their days in Twilight Town with Roxas and Axel, going to school and everything. Roxas made fun of him for not going back, teased him for being lazy, but Sora was confident that Roxas knew something else was going on. Kairi and Riku had likewise enrolled again on Destiny Islands, leaving him to his own devices. He was lucky, honestly, that Riku had skipped classes and follow him to Arendelle for these precious few days. And they’d only spent a few hours together before being separated, as usual. Was Riku disappointed in him for not going back to school? Did he think he was lazy?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” a familiar voice asked behind him.

Sora spun on his heel, grimacing at his own reflection. “Are you serious? How are you here, Vanitas?”

Vanitas ignored his statement, poking at the levitating Kingdom Key with his index finger. “You mad or something?”

“Yeah, I’m mad or something,” Sora responded, crossing his arms. “Did you follow me?”

Vanitas raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh boy. The half-pint’s not feeling cheerful today.”

“Don’t call me that,” Sora bit, relishing in the surprise on Vanitas’s face. “I had a rough night. Don’t feel like fighting you today.”

“That’s too bad,” Vanitas drawled. “Cause I got something I think you’ll want to fight for.”

“Try me,” Sora countered, head cocked in confidence. It disappeared quickly when Vanitas took something shiny and silver out of his pocket, swinging it around a finger carelessly. His first instinct was to grab at his neck, heart sinking when he realized his crown necklace wasn’t there. It was the one stupid thing he couldn’t lose. “How did you get that?” Sora demanded, reaching for his pendant.

Vanitas backed away and smiled wider. “It seems I knocked it off of you during our last battle. You don’t really need it right? Didn’t even notice it was gone.”

The taunt was working, and they both knew it. Sora gritted his teeth and glanced back at the entrance to the glacier. If he settled this fast, he could retrieve it before Elsa woke up. “Give it back, Vanitas.”

“No,” Vanitas sounded out slowly, as if he were relishing in it. And then he was running.

Sora gasped, part of him terrified that he would never get that necklace back if Vanitas left. That fear propelled him to follow suit, ignoring the madman’s laughter and his own blurring vision. The running gave way to brief spars every so often, and Sora still, still, still couldn’t reach Vanitas’s left hand. His body felt sluggish and sore from the mental and physical stress of the chase, on top of the events from the night prior. How was he going to make Vanitas stop? He looked up at the sun, shoving down an exasperated scream when he realized that it was most likely around noon, and there was no way Elsa was still sleeping. But the thought of leaving his necklace there, with Vanitas of all people, made him sick.

“Please,” Sora weakly asked. “Please stop. I can’t lose that.”

Vanitas outright laughed. “Are you begging me? Seriously? You took down Master Xehanort and died, but you’re losing it over jewelry?”

Sora’s breath hitched as he made eye contact with his look-alike. “It’s not just jewelry. It’s everything to me. I’ve had it since I was four and I’ve almost never taken it off. _Please_.”

“Tell me why,” Vanitas demanded, looking at the crown again with newfound interest. “Why does it mean everything to you?”

And ugh he felt it, that uncomfortable biting feeling he got nowadays when someone walked into vulnerable territory for him. But he said he would be brave. Just like that necklace stood for. “It reminds me of who I wanted to be, when I was younger. Someone with courage to do what was right. Help people. That kind of stuff.”

“That’s it?” Vanitas chuckled in disbelief. “Sounds dumb. What happens if I throw it into the ocean? Do you lose all your heroic abilities?” Vanitas’s arm geared up to toss it into the water next to them.

Before Sora knew what he was doing, he was on top of Vanitas and livid. He’d never been so angry in his entire life. He could see the tendrils of anti-form in his periphery and smirked at the shock in Vanitas’s eyes. Whose eyes were glowing yellow now? They rolled around, clawing and pushing at each other until falling down a steep part of the glacier. Somehow Vanitas was still stronger than him. When Vanitas had Sora pinned, he began to glow a faint yellow. Sora braced himself for a final attack, and exhaled in surprise as his anti-form drained, literally, into Vanitas. After a few seconds, Sora was back to normal, teary-eyed and confused.

“You don’t live in someone’s heart for that long and not know how to bring them back from that,” Vanitas told him lowly. He released Sora’s wrists and sat back, watching the brunet catch his breath. Sora laid there, limp and blinking at the brightness of the sun on the ice.

“You’ve brought me back from that before?” Sora ventured softly, not daring to look at Vanitas.

“Yeah,” the other boy responded. “Must be harder without me around.”

Sora felt his lips trembling. He hadn’t thought of the possibly that Vanitas had been helping him in his own small ways. “It was Riku’s,” he admitted from the ground. He saw Vanitas turn his head to him at the edge of his vision and elaborated. “The necklace was from Riku, when we were kids. We pretended it was a real crown when we played knights and princes. One day, Riku told me he didn’t want to be the prince anymore, and I should just keep it on. So I did.”

Vanitas said nothing, letting the sound of waves echo between them.

“He said as long as I had it, he’d come for me no matter what. Cause it meant I was under his care. You know, the way knights are to their kings or whatever.”

He’d expected mockery, but Vanitas still said nothing.

Sora closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. “We were four and five when he said that to me. Children.” Riku had always been intense about his devotion to his friends, but particularly to him. Kairi had commented on it while they were growing up, about how they were tied at the hip and finished one another’s sentences. But they loved that. They loved being near each other all the time and knowing one other completely. God, Sora missed it. He missed feeling like Riku was just a material extension of his own heart.

“I’m in love with him,” he admitted to the embodiment of darkness that wore his face. Painful love. Love that makes you chase someone across worlds for. Love that gives you memory loss. Love that transcends looks and history and darkness itself. Love that shined in his heart even now, during one of the hardest times in his life.

A shuffle of feet and a weight on his chest made him open his eyes. His crown necklace laid on his chest innocently, undisturbed and perfect in the white cloth of his coat. He glanced up, a thank you already on his lips. But Vanitas had already vanished.

He picked himself up, sighing at his already drawn keyblade, and cast cura for his bruises and split lip. Elsa was probably worried out of her mind. Jogging back to the cavern entrance took a while. He hadn’t realized just how far Vanitas had taken them. “Elsa!” he called to the figure waiting at the shore. She turned as he approached, shoulders dropping in relief.

“Sora! Where have you been?! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Oh my god, what happened?” she touched his shoulder carefully. Sora blinked, following her line of vision and wincing at the blood, dirt, and wet patches on his clothes that cure couldn’t fix.

“I got into a fight with someone, an old acquaintance. Don’t worry, he’s gone now,” he explained, scratching his neck. “Sorry to worry you.”

“It’s ok. Well, no it’s not. But…” Elsa sighed, finger brushing her hair behind her ear. “We’re running late. By the time we get to Arendelle the Yule ball will already be underway.”

Sora frowned in confusion and preemptive disappointment. “Oh, does that mean we can’t go?”

Elsa hummed. “No, it just means you won’t have time to change. And you can’t go to a ball like that.” Sora looked down again. She was right. Riku would freak if he knew half the stuff that had happened in his absence.

“Then what do we do?” Sora asked.

Elsa’s thoughtful expression morphed into an excited smile. “Sora! I can make you something to wear with my magic! Remember my blue dress?”

Sora caught on quick. “Really?! That’d be so cool! I always liked that dress! Just you know, maybe in pants form or something?”

Elsa giggled. “I’ll do you one better. Now, stay very still for me.”

Vines of magic climbed up his legs as he stood to attention, wondering what Riku would think of his new outfit when they finally reunited. He closed his eyes as the brightness grew up to his waist, chest, and passed over his head. Blinking away the starbursts, he smiled nervously at Elsa squealing over him.

“It’s just so perfect! I have an eye for fashion. Maybe I should start making clothes in my spare time,” she rambled, smoothing out his sheer blue and purple sleeves and moving something on his head. “Take a look!” she encouraged him, creating a full mirror to use.

And okay, he looked good. The sheer sleeves sparkled a bit in the sun and rode up to two golden shoulder pauldrons. More sheer lilac made a v-shape at his chest, exposing his collar bone. He was cold, but he didn’t care. The sheer met solid, shiny blue fabric with a gold interlace on either side of his chest, ending with a golden sash that laid elegantly at his hips. His light blue pants were tight-fitting, but soft and comfortable. The dark blue boots on his feet rose to his knees and had a single diamond-shaped crystal at each ankle. Elsa had also placed small crystal teardrops in his hair too. That must’ve been what she was fiddling with earlier.

“Whoa,” he breathed, twisting this way and that. “Wait, I have a cape?!” he gasped, twirling around to make the sheer blue catch the sun.

“Of course,” Elsa laughed. “The cape was my favorite part of the dress, you know. What do you think? Is it missing anything or should we be on our way?”

Sora narrowed his eyes and reached into his pocket, digging out the crown necklace. It clicked onto his neck happily and he sighed in relief. “Now I’m ready. Let’s go!”


	3. Yule be glad you came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riku quietly seethes as Sora gets swept off his feet by a local. 
> 
> And then he just as quietly takes Sora back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last installment for part 1! Part 2 and 3 are already written but need heavy editing. Hope you guys don't mind late Christmas fics.  
> *cries eating cookies at 4 in the morning*

Arendelle was even more beautiful lit up at night. The water horse neighed happily at them as they waved it goodbye, turning toward the castle in unison. “I’m so excited to see what Yule looks like under Anna’s care,” Elsa confessed, leading them both through the mostly empty streets by memory. “This is her first year preparing by herself.”

“It looked great when Riku and I got here,” Sora confessed, pushing back some stray hairs. “And that was a whole two days ago. Can’t imagine what it looks like now.”

They walked into the Yule ball arm in arm and stopped at the top of the staircase. A formal announcement was needed for the queen and her companion. He smiled nervously at the entire village’s eyes on him as the announcer did his job, voice bellowing his name a little too loudly.

Then he saw Riku.

The very first thing he noticed was that Riku had managed to bring his hair into a small low ponytail, causing his long silver bangs to frame his _way too pretty_ face. The second thing he noticed was Riku’s outfit. It looked like something straight out of a fairytale, all navy and sleek with silver buttons that ran down the center of his broad chest. A gold sash, much like the one lying across his own hips, looped around one arm elegantly.

He looked so good.

The third thing he noticed was Riku’s face. He was slack-jawed, teal eyes the widest Sora had ever seen them. A pink flush stained his cheeks as he gave Sora a look that embodied the phrase “what the fuck.” Sora second-guessed himself as he and Elsa walked down the stairs to the crowd. “Elsa? Are you sure I don’t look stupid? Riku’s looking at me weird,” he asked her discreetly.

She scoffed. “Sora, you’re easily one of the best-dressed people here. Riku’s probably in awe of your beauty,” she teased, curling one of his spikes around her finger.

He giggled before he could help himself. “Seriously, Elsa. I don’t look bad?”

She sighed, waving to an approaching pair of dignitaries. “Yes, Sora. You look amazing. Besides, why do you still care about what Riku thinks so much? Oh, and before I forget, I asked Honeymaren to bring her brother along for you. He will absolutely love your outfit.”

“Her brother?” Sora furrowed his eyebrows before realization dawned. “Oh no, you invited Ryder?! Why?!”

Elsa frowned, coming closer so they could whisper. “Because you two like each other, right? You were almost kissing this morning!”

Sora wanted to pull his hair out. “Yes-no! I mean, almost but!”

She clapped her hands excitedly. “The Yule ball is a perfect place to do it! There’s even mistletoe around here somewhere.”

How was this even happening? He finally got to hang out with Riku and now he was going to have to evade Ryder the whole night?

“Sora, Elsa!” Anna cheered, glomping onto both of them. “You’re finally here! It’s a shame you couldn’t help us do the finishing touches this morning.”

Elsa took in the room and chuckled. “But it looks like you didn’t need any help. This place looks amazing!” And she was right. Huge garlands of red, white, and yellow flowers hung from corner to corner of the ballroom, playing off of the steady blinking of lights around them. The chandelier above sparkled gently, letting the many candelabras around them flicker. Sora smiled at the crowd of laughing, festive people around them. It was warm and perfect.

“Yeah, Anna! This is amazing!” Sora complimented, eyes passing over the service staff holding trays of bubbly drinks and small appetizers. He was definitely, definitely going to eat everything.

“What’s amazing is your outfit, Sora!” Anna marveled, smoothing a hand down his sleeve in awe. “Elsa, is this all you?”

Elsa smiled proudly. “Why yes it is! Some of my best work, I think.”

“Oh man, Riku is gonna fre-” Anna started saying before another curt voice cut her off.

“Riku is _right here_ ,” Riku said. His best friend eyed her critically, coming into their little huddle. Sora knew that look. It was the 'you know more than I want you to and I won’t tolerate teasing or blackmail' look that he’d perfected a long time ago. Riku turned to him and seemed to hesitate, drawing a big breath in and out.

“Hey Ku,” Sora greeted. “I’m back.”

Riku smiled. “Yeah, I can see that. Dork.”

Anna cleared her throat dramatically and gave Riku a pointed look. “Well, I’m just gonna go talk to the guests. Elsa, why don’t you come with me?”

They disappeared into the mess of colorful skirts and shining jewels, leaving Sora with a racing heart and an expectant best friend. “So,” he began, eyes trailing down Riku’s form and back up again. “You look nice.” Wrong, Riku looked _amazing_.

Riku scoffed disbelievingly, placing his hands in his pockets. “Me? Have you seen yourself?”

He blushed, looking down at his outfit. “You think it’s too much? Or I can’t pull it off? I know I’ve never worn anything like it but -”

“ _Sora_ ,” Riku interrupted him, that way he always did when Sora started nervously rambling. “It looks like it was made for you. Trust me. It looks good.” Riku sighed and muttered something else under his breath.

Sora frowned. “What d'you say? Loose hood?” He turned his head toward his back. “I don’t even have a hood.” He looked back at his friend’s exasperatedly fond face.

“Not what I said, Sor, but it’s fine. Wanna go get a drink?” Riku segued, holding an arm out in invitation. Sora eagerly looped them together, staring up at Riku happily. “Of course! I’ve been waiting for days to hang out with you.”

A pleased red flush spread across Riku’s cheeks and he laughed, eyes crinkling with the action. “Yeah, me too.” They walked across the room and circled around the dancing couples, commenting on the ornate hats people were wearing and the food on people’s plates.

“Riku we gotta figure out how to get one of those,” Sora demanded, tugged at his sleeve and pointing at a slice of pie on another man’s plate. “I want it more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life.”

“Drama queen,” Riku chided playfully. “Or should I call you a drama prince? You’re dressed up like one, anyway.”

Sora scoffed, stomach fluttered at the compliment. “Me? You look like the prince here. I look like some magic fairy or something.”

Riku hummed. “Impossible. You even have a crown,” Riku stressed, pressing a finger against Sora’s crown necklace. “And don’t you remember my promise?”

Of course he did. He was the prince and Riku was the knight. Always.

“We were kids when we played that game,” Sora laughed, crossed his arms and leaned in conspiratorially. “It’s different now, _Master_ Riku.”

“You’re right,” Riku admitted, glancing around him before locking eyes again. “You’re not just my prince anymore. The whole universe needs you now.”

And, what? Sora’s felt his mind reach a blue error screen, rebooting as he looked at his best friend in abject shock. Riku shyly tucked his head down and muttered something about drinks before turning on his heel and walking toward a table of food. Sora was still processing.

“Wow,” Elsa deadpanned from behind him. “Don’t think I didn’t hear that, Prince Sora,” she teased, taking a sip of something dark red.

Sora blushed. “What? I don’t even know why he said that.”

Elsa smiled kindly at him. “I think you do. But before you make your choice, say hi to Ryder and let him down kindly. I’d do it because it’s my fault for inviting him, but I think he’d appreciate talking to you. Plus, it looks like Riku got caught by Kristoff and his friends.”

A glance at the drinks table proved Elsa right. Riku was talking and laughing with people that weren’t him. A nasty ball of something appeared in his chest, which he squashed down viciously. There was no reason to be jealous of Riku having other friends. “Yeah, ok,” he relented to Elsa. “Do you know where Ryder is?”

Elsa wordlessly pointed toward one of the large bay windows. The ledge from it was huge, big enough for people to sit and talk on the plush red velvet cushions they provided. Ryder was sitting and talking to someone with a vibrant orange mustache. They laughed as Sora observed.

“Go on,” Elsa encouraged. “I’ll tell Riku you’re busy if he asks.”

Sora took a deep breath, smoothed down his shirt, and weaved through the brilliant gowns. Ryder seemed to have sensed him coming, brown eyes meeting blue before Sora was close enough to hear him. Ryder said something to the man, prompting them to shake hands and stand.

“-hope we can make good on that promise in the future,” Moustache Man said to Ryder earnestly.

“Of course,” Ryder responded. “As long as they have good caretakers and an open field or two, it shouldn't be too hard to set up a stable for them. Reindeer don’t often complain.”

They both laughed again as Sora uncertainly stood behind them. Ryder turned on his heel and Moustache Man departed toward the dessert table. “Ah! Sora. There you are,” he said while he took Sora’s arm, drawing them back to the plush cushions.

“I thought I’d never find you in this place,” Ryder bemoaned, fiddling with the tassels of his outfit. It looked like some kind of formal wear from Northuldr, all braided cords in a makeshift sash of brilliant purple and tan. “You look incredible, by the way,” Ryder complimented, reaching a hand out to smooth a spike back under a crystal drop.

“Thanks,” Sora chirped. “You do too. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“I didn’t plan on it,” he admitted, wringing his hands. “But Honeymaren insisted I check it out. So far, I’m definitely not disappointed.” Ryder’s brown eyes burned into his own, making Sora smile shyly.

“I’m glad,” Sora responded, throat feeling a little dry. “Hey, do you wanna get something to drink?”

Ryder’s grin brightened further. “Of course. So long as you dance with me after.”

Sora scratched the back of his head. “Oh boy, confession time. I don’t know how to dance like this at all.” He looked out into the ballroom, wincing at all the couples in perfect rhythm with one another.

“That’s okay,” Ryder affirmed, standing to offer a hand to Sora. “You basically dance when you fight. I’m sure you’ll pick it up in no time.”

They tracked down a butler and procured two flutes of bubbly liquid, toasting Yule and celebrating the battle Sora had won earlier. It tasted sweet but strange. Sora held the liquid on his tongue, trying to figure out what the sharp flavor was. He broached this to Ryder, who laughed the laugh of someone who knew something he didn’t.

“Okay, let’s stick to just this glass for now,” he grinned cheekily. “I don’t think we need to see what’ll happen if you have too many.”

Sora breathed in the scent of cinnamon, nutmeg, and apple. For the first time in a long time, he felt completely at ease and at home. The drink was making his head a little fuzzy, but he downed the rest when he noticed Ryder had finished. “Okay! Teach me to dance now,” Sora commanded, handing off their empty flutes to a butler.

Ryder took a step back and bowed low, one arm crossed over his chest and the other elegantly tossed to the side. He glanced up at Sora and grinned, holding out his extended hand for Sora to grasp. Sora laughed brightly, seeing the glint of the crystals in his hair and taking Ryder’s hand with a smaller bow at the waist.

“Put this hand on my shoulder,” Ryder instructed, taking Sora’s small wrist to guide him. Sora gulped when Ryder’s right palm met his waist, the other rising to clasp their hands together. Sora had seen enough dances between the princesses and princes he’d saved to know Ryder would lead them.

“One, two,” Ryder chanted, “One, two, left foot back.”

Sora followed jerkily.

“Right to the side, left foot front, left to the side…” Ryder instructed, guiding Sora by the waist to his directions. The live music was louder in Sora’s ears. He understood now why the princes and princesses loved dancing like this so much. He got into it eventually, legs making the movements more naturally and prompting Ryder to teach him how to spin. The only thing that could’ve made the moment better was having Riku dance with him too.

Sora had imagined it before. After he and Riku had created their own song in the realm of sleep, he couldn’t but feel jilted over them not dancing to it together. Maybe one day, Riku would owe him one and be where Ryder was now.

“What are you thinking about?” Ryder asked, spinning him in unison with the other pairs. “You look very focused.”

“Oh,” Sora muttered, looking up at Ryder shyly. “I have some bad news and I’m trying to figure out how to say it?”

Ryder hummed in understanding. “You don’t have to stay it. I already know. Saw you talking to that other guy with the white hair earlier.”

Sora blinked, almost missing his step. “Riku? What do you mean?”

Ryder gave him an odd look. “You’re both in love with each other right?”

Sora missed his step then, scrambling to get on the right rhythm. “Whoa what? Why would you think that?! Did Elsa say something?”

“No.” Ryder grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t know how to tell you this, but it’s very noticeable - what’s between you two. Also, he’s been glaring daggers at us for the past five minutes.” Ryder cocked his head to the side to show where Riku was.

Sora followed the line and pursed his lips. Riku was very talented at being upset. He was the only person Sora knew who could make at least five different faces when disgruntled. He knew this one really well. It was the same face Riku had when Destiny Islands had fallen and they’d met in Traverse Town. The same expression of betrayal and anger that was directed at Donald and Goofy, once upon a time.

Anna was suddenly at Riku’s side, pulling at his sleeve and saying something to him rapidly. Riku’s eyes left Ryder, but jumped directly to his instead. Sora’s heart thumped at the intensity, feet on autopilot and mind foggy.

“Hold on tight,” Ryder said suddenly. Before he had a chance to ask why, Sora was lifted into the air and briefly spun. He laughed in surprise at suddenly being up so high, looking at the other partners that had been raised too. Sora’s cape caught the edges of vision mid-spin, and for a fleeting second, he forgot the look on Riku’s face.

Coming back down to earth was a tad overwhelming. Sora couldn’t stop giggling at the lightness in his stomach, and Ryder was chuckling at his reaction. “Cute,” he said, bringing a thumb and finger to hook Sora’s chin and tilt it up toward him. “Should I stick to what I said and leave you alone, or should we finish what we started yesterday?” Ryder leaned a little closer, giving Sora a good idea of what he meant.

“Yesterday?” a voice interrupted from Sora’s left. For all intents and purposes, Riku looked serene and composed despite staring directly at Ryder. A tense moment washed over the three of them until Sora laughed nervously. “Yeah, he gave me some good advice. A lot happened, actually.”

“Did you find Ahtohallan? What did the spirits have to say?” Ryder asked excitedly, as if he’d just remembered. “I didn’t want to pressure you before you were ready, but you seem much more at peace now than before.”

Riku’s frown deepened at the words. “What? Sora, did something happen?”

“Uh,” Sora blanked, looking between Ryder and Riku. “I’m just - I’m going to get some air.” He heard protests from both men as he guiltily power-walked away. Of all the things he’d thought he’d have to deal with in Arendelle, this came distinctly last. He did not want to deal with those two fighting over information, no thanks.

Kairi would be laughing her butt off if she knew about the situation he’d gotten into. The worst part was he knew she’d be the best person to ask. They’d gotten closer during the keyblade war part two fiasco, finally had time to hang out and talk in the Mysterious Tower. She’d been the one to ask him about Riku, about the many hearts living inside of him. She’d been the only one the entire time who’d asked him the question he’d wanted someone to as the most. _“Are you okay with all of this?”_

And the thing was, Sora absolutely hadn’t been. Still wasn’t. But the hero of light’s job wasn’t to be okay with everything. It was to handle everything and still win. The day he’d almost lost all his friends and then lost Kairi again was the worst day of his entire life. The next one was the day he’d brought Kairi back from that afterlife, sat at their paopu tree trying not to draw attention to the others playing on the beach below. When he closed his eyes at night, he could sometimes see her face in that moment, desperate and sad and hopeful all at once. He could still taste the paopu fruit they’d fed each other in distress, like children who sang songs when they went into dark hallways alone.

Sora sighed and clutched his gummiphone in his hand, examining the damage once again, and tried in vain to turn it on. Of course. This would be the day he couldn’t reach out to anyone for help. Maybe he just needed to find a quiet place, away from everyone, and he’d feel more grounded. Squeezing between an old woman with a hoop skirt and two kids playing, Sora found a balcony off the ballroom - empty.

The glass door to the balcony was closed to prevent the cold wind from penetrating the ballroom, but one glance outside made Sora forego the dread of shivering and make his way outside. It was relatively spacious, ledges high and recently dusted of most snow. What sold him, however, were the many stringing fairy lights from the balcony’s ceiling. He smiled, poking at one dangling in front of him and watching it sway.

He leaned against the railing with folded arms, already feeling a numbing sensation in his hands from the ice and snow around. The cracked lines of his gummiphone were slightly sharp, but not enough to cut his skin. He traced it, using the sensation on his thumb to ground him to the place and moment. Until suddenly, the raucous noise of the ballroom became louder and then quieter again.

“Is it broken?” Riku asked quietly from behind, apparently able to see the damage.

Sora sighed, making no move to turn. “Yeah. Since yesterday. Sorry. That’s why I couldn’t call or anything.”

“I know, I got your owl message. Do you need to call someone? You can use mine,” Riku offered, still standing behind him.

Sora said nothing. It would be nice to talk to Kairi now, but something about using Riku’s phone to call her for help felt wrong. Like he was being rude, even though he knew his best friend would never take the situation that way.

Riku took a few steps closer, dress shoes crunching slightly in the light snow, before copying his pose on the railing beside him. They stood silently for a while, Riku looking out at the idyllic town at night, Sora staring unfocused at the mountains barely visible in the distance.

“Sora,” Riku was first to speak. “Do you trust me?”

And the question was so earnest, so careful and cautious that it made Sora’s heart hurt. “Of course!” Sora practically yelled, whirling around to face him. “What kind of question is that?”

Riku’s focus and body didn’t change, despite his outburst. “Then why does it feel like you’ve done nothing but keep secrets since we’ve returned?”

Sora jolted at the accusation and then wilted. Riku was right. It had started with one secret he’d kept for a long time, which became exaggerated when he’d almost lost everyone and everything to Xehanort. Now, he had no idea how to deal with any of it anymore. They both barely registered the self-drawn keyblade beside them, showcasing Sora’s distress. “I have been,” he admitted unhappily.

Riku finally turned to him, as if he’d been waiting for Sora to say those words. “Why? You know I’d never judge you right? Not after everything we’ve been through?”

Sora stared into those turbulent eyes that he’d known since childhood. Those eyes had held every one of his secrets, once upon a time. They’d witnessed all his important moments and kept him safe from bullies, from nightmares, from himself. It was scary to him now, to know that Riku knew him so completely. “It’s just hard,” he admitted. “You know me so well. I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who didn’t know about everything?”

“Like Ryder?” Riku asked, gaze sharpened.

Sora blinked. “Yeah, I guess so. I was having trouble sleeping, and he heard me out. It was nice.”

“What’d you say to him?” Riku demanded rather than asked.

“What?” Sora did a double take at Riku’s tone. “Does it matter?”

“Everything about you matters to me Sora,” Riku carefully stated. “Please, I want to know what he knows.”

Sora laughed nervously, avoiding direct eye-contact and playing with the edges of his sleeves. “Riku, I can’t just talk to you like you’re him.”

“Why not?”

“Because you know me. I can’t be me if -” Sora caught himself halfway. Closing his mouth abruptly and allowing the air to carry out the rest of the idea.

“I know you, and so you can’t be yourself because I know you,” Riku reasoned, shaking some hair out of his eyes. “I can’t say I understand exactly what that means. But fine.” Riku backed up, out of Sora’s line of vision. “Pretend I’m someone like Ryder, then.”

Sora sighed. “Riku, c’mon.”

“Sora,” Riku pleaded. “It is important to me that you do this.”

And that got him. Of all the things Riku could have done or said… Sora sighed again, closing his eyes and trying to think of what he’d say if Riku were Ryder. “So, I’ve been having these weird dreams lately…”

Riku made a noise of acknowledgement.

“Well, that’s when I dream. I’m having trouble sleeping too. I keep thinking about what happened in the Keyblade Graveyard. What happened to you guys - um, to my friends.” He paused here, swallowing uncertainty. Once he said this, there was no going back. “There’s something that happened on that battlefield that no one remembers except me.” Sora heard a shift behind him, as if Riku had moved to step closer before thinking otherwise.“There was a do-over. And I thought everyone would remember it after, but I talked to Roxas, and Aqua, and Kairi, and yo- to Riku. I tried to get them to say what had happened, but it’s like it didn’t for you guys. It’s driving me crazy,” Sora confessed, feeling his eyes water. His heart was beating louder in his ears. “And I don’t want to tell anyone because then you’d all look at me different. Like when I came back from Shibuya and everyone was walking on eggshells around me. Like I was breakable or something.” Sora laughed bitterly, wetly, before he could stop himself. “It’s easier this way.”

Riku said nothing, and no more noises came from him.

Sora bit his lip, wondering if he’d said too much. Or maybe too little. Or maybe none of the things that really needed to be said. “Ever since coming back, I don’t feel like I fit,” he confessed, voice smaller than before. “It’s like, I only worked when things needed to fit to me - Ven and the Keyblade and Roxas, Xion, being a hero. All of it worked because they pressed it onto me, into me. But now, it’s like nothing is coming to me. Like I just don’t work anywhere or as anything anymore. I don’t know what to do?” he laughed again, this time more hysterically. Sora inhaled shakily, hoping his increased heart rate and breathing did not mean another panic attack was on the way.

“I’m so tired of pretending like everything’s okay. Of being the hero of light. It wasn’t fair to make me that. It wasn’t fair Riku -” his breath cut off into that telltale gulp that meant, yeah, he was losing it.

And then Riku was there. “Sora, Sora, Sora, shhh,” his best friend chanted and soothed, wrapping an arm around his waist to tug him into his warm chest. “It’s okay, I understand. You don’t have to say anything else.”

But he did, because he still hadn’t told him what actually happened in the Keyblade Graveyard. “Riku,” he said.

Riku hugged him tighter in response.

“Riku, everyone died. Everyone died, and I had to watch. Someone, something gave me a second chance and we did it all over again. But that first time we all died, and _no one_ remembers except me - “ His voice broke and then he broke, sobbing in a way he hadn’t since he was ten and dislocated his arm while climbing a coconut tree for a stupid seagull egg.

He felt Riku’s gasp more than he heard it, burying his head further into Riku’s chest in response. “I’m sorry,” he said, though he didn’t know why. Riku didn’t respond, kept his hand buried firmly in Sora’s hair, and held him for what felt like both a very long and very short time. He moved when Sora had stopped sobbing, pulling away and taking his wrist firmly.

Before Sora could protest, they were speeding through the ballroom as fast as possible without jogging. Self conscious about his state, Sora kept his eyes downward until Riku had brought them down a hallway and into a bedroom. His skin was prickling from the change in temperature, but he went over to the burning fireplace anyway, wondering what Riku would say or do about the revelation of his secret. Riku closed the door, the resounding click feeling damning and final. At least they were both on the same side, this time.

“Sora,” Riku called.

He sniffled, humming an affirmative.

“Look at me,” he requested, voice gentle in a way Sora had rarely heard.

Sora turned, silently hating himself for being instantly distracted by the way the fireplace’s flames reflected in Riku’s eyes. God, why was his best friend so beautiful and so handsome and _ugh_ , why was he a mess tonight he ruined everything-

“No, no, no,” Riku said in a whisper, coming closer to him. “Don’t cry again Sora, I’m here.”

And that made him even more upset with himself. “I’m just mad,” he confessed to his best friend. “I’m mad about everything that happened and I’m mad that I’m still not okay and that everyone else seems to be just fine.”

Riku laughed, but didn’t sound like it was directed at him. “I don’t know about that Sora. I have it on good authority at everyone’s got a trauma from what happened with Xehanort.”

Sora sniffed, looking into Riku’s eyes gamely. “Then why do they seem to be happy?”

“Why you do seem happy?” Riku shot back.

And then it clicked. Oh. Oh, no.  
Riku watched his face scrunch up in realization and then crumble into abject worry.

“Fuck,” Sora cursed, bringing a hand up to pull at his hair in aggravation. “How did I not notice that? Riku, I-”

“Here’s the thing, Sora,” Riku interrupted, grasping the hand in his hair and pulling it down. “Everyone is getting over it because they’re talking to each other. The only one who isn’t talking is you. Half of us, like Lea and Aqua and Kairi, think you’re just a stronger person than they are. That you don’t need to talk because you’re already okay.” Riku’s grasp on his hand changed so that they were holding hands. He looked down at them as he searched for words. “But the rest of us, the ones who’ve been inside your heart for a long time, we know that isn’t the case.”

“Does that mean you too?” Sora asked before he could stop himself.

Riku narrowed his eyes at him as if he were trying to figure something out. “That depends. You letting me in?”

“You’ve _been_ in Riku. Longer than any of them. Even Ven,” Sora confessed, wondering if this counted as a declaration of love or if it could pass as a statement of intense friendship. “And I have a way to prove it to you,” Sora added, mind racing.

Riku squeezed his hand as a silent go ahead.

“I went to this place with Elsa yesterday, to get answers about why the keyblade has been reacting to my emotions,” he explained, looking to the large window where the weapon in question was peacefully floating.

“Yeah?” Riku prompted, following his gaze. “Learn anything?”

Sora hummed in affirmation. “I think it was telling me I need someone to unlock my heart and dive into it again. I think I did something in Shibuya...I don’t know.”

Riku sighed. “There’s another secret of yours. You still haven’t told me what happened there.”

Sora bit his lip. “I think if you unlock my heart, you’ll see what happened. This time, it’ll only be me and you there.”

Riku’s arms pulled back just enough to peer down at him inquisitively. “Are you sure you want me to? We can always ask Master Yen Sid if there’s another way to solve this.”

“No,” Sora confirmed, thinking about the ice cavern covered with his memories. “I think it needs to be this way. And it needs to be you.”

Riku sighed, shoulders relaxing considerably. “Good, I wouldn’t trust anyone else for the job. Besides, I’ve already seen your dreams. Can’t be too much different from your heart on its own, right?”

Sora chuckled. “I don’t know. It’s a mess in there right now. Lots of broken pieces.”

“That’s okay,” Riku smiled fondly. “I’ll fix it.”

 _You are it_ , Sora wanted to say back because the relief of finally telling Riku all of this was palpable. He was just so patient and amazing and god, _Sora_ _liked him so much_.

“What?” Riku asked in a completely different tone, eyes wide with surprise.

Sora blinked and backtracked. “What?”

“What did you just say?” Riku asked him cautiously.

“Uh,” Sora fiddled with a crystal in his hair. “That my heart’s a mess?”

Riku looked back and forth between his eyes, as if he’d seen something there and lost it just as quickly, before looking away and sighing. “If you say so. I don’t think I’m going to go back out there. Are you?”

Sora bit his lip. “No, I don’t think so. Guess I’ll see you in the morning then?”

Riku snorted. “You think I’m gonna let you out of my sight tonight? After all of that?”

Sora blinked.

“Get your pajamas, you dork,” Riku smiled. “I’ll make sure you get some rest.”

He raced to his temporary room and changed as fast as he could, smiling about the turn of events all the way. It’d been so long since he and Riku had had a sleepover of any kind. Well - not counting the mark of mastery exam. Riku was already in the huge canopy bed when he reentered the room, turning the lock and tiptoeing out of his slippers. Sora jumped into the bed, enjoying Riku’s fake, irritated groan as he snuggled into the blankets. Riku threw an arm across his waist and tugged him close when he settled, back to front. Sora breathed in and out, finally feeling safe and tired and empty of all the nasty emotions he’d been carrying for so long.

“Hey Sora?” Riku asked just as he was on the verge of falling asleep.

Sora hummed absentmindedly in response.

Riku seemed to hesitate. “Did you really almost kiss that guy?”

Sora opened his eyes, negotiating between pretending he had gone to sleep and sitting up to explain himself. So, he compromised. “Yeah, almost,” he admitted, eyes still closed.

Riku waited a full minute before asking, “Are you still going to?”

That was what made Sora roll over and stare at Riku in interest. “Why do you care?”

Riku pursed his lips before breathing, “I think you know why.”

Sora’s heart stopped. Did that mean- Did he mean? Sora was thirty seconds away from formulating a real question when Riku gripped him by the waist and flipped them back to their original position. “Don’t worry about answering me,” he whispered softly into Sora’s ear. “I’ll get my answer when I unlock your heart.”

Sora swallowed, feeling flutters of all kinds in his body, in every place where his skin made contact with Riku’s. Something had shifted between them, something big and important that had seemed immovable before they’d arrived in Arendelle. Sora breathed in deep, surrendered to sleep, and hoped the morning would be gentle with him.


End file.
